Well, go off on a round the world tour and come back to an empty house. Who was in charge of decorating?

Also, who was on spam control. I have been working like crazy to get rid of over 100 commercial comments. See what happens when the cat is away?

Posted by: Miss Kitty at 02:49 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I have much much more work to to before the grand opening. Watch your step, there are little piles of trash scattered here about as we sweep up the mouse droppings and other sordid bits of unwanted bio-matter. I can still smell the nauseating aroma of stale cheese. Who was in charge of odor removal? Where did I put my ray gun?

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 02:54 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I have returned, freshly cloned and genetically modified to no longer be susceptible to destruction by a mere cheese ball attack. The reopening may be delayed for a few weeks as the workmen complete the renovations. The only work completed to this point is the installation of the new sign.

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 08:34 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Your Monday, December 13, 2004 Horoscope Taurus!

Finances are improving enough for you to focus on possible career enhancement. Maybe you can invest in a little self-promotion. It would go a long way. Consider getting the word out at a party, or a series of parties over the next few weeks.

Finally! Yep, given time I eventually got to down load it and read it, straight through, non-stop. I was very entertained, especially during the Oz segment. The mixing of metaphors, and the blending of several different children's stories was a very interesting plot machine, and the ending was not predictable, at all. Well done!

Posted by: Bill Bulldog at 12:33 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 What happened to Zongo? I miss him...

Posted by: Gir at December 14, 2004 12:13 AM (yffrg)

2 i agree with you! Bangbus

Posted by: Bang bus at October 16, 2005 11:19 PM (4LCLp)

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A constituent phoned to the Guhvenah's Office with a complaint about a Predator-type alien holed up in a house in Buhbank. I try to be a hands on Guhvenah and hahving extensive experience in such situations, I thought it might be fun to take on this job myself. I ahwived to find a lahge slimy lump of Jello with ahms cowering in the cahner as a ahmy of small mice mahched fowahd holding out offerings of cheese. I would swear that the alien wahs crying like a baby. Afraid of mice, and they call me a gurly man.

Citizens of Buhbank, allow me to be the first to inform you that the slimy lump of jello has been turned over to the proper authorities. The Office of Homeland Security said they would put the culprit on the next bus to Tijuana.

I was pleased to hahve rectified this problem so quickly, as I have a meeting with my good friend, George W. Bush. I have been wanting to share my plan for insuring his reelection: Have the FBI ahrest all registered Democrats as suspected terrorists and ship them off to the Guantanamo Bay terrorist holding fahcility.

Posted by: Ahnold the Gurly Man at 06:32 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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All Hail ME! Yes, the great and valiant Zongo returns to conquer your puny species, but with a fresh championship buckle from winning the Universal Planet Conqueror Sumo Wrestling Contest. Although Ming the Merciless took first place in almost every other contest held, he is a lightweight and did not even qualify for the Quarterfinals in Sumo Wrestling Event. Actually, both myself and my eventual opponent in the Final Match went undefeated to that point, as we have these past three years. However, unlike the previous three years, Jabba the Hut did not prevail. Nope, this year, yours truly, Zongo the Ruthless, is the Sumo Wrestling Champion of the Universe. There will be a zapping moratorium in celebration of my victory for the next 24 hours, except for any who wish to launch any lactic acid containing products into my headquarters during such period. Let me change that. I am going to engage the automatic zap cannon with the motion detector, whose range is 500 yards, so everyone who remains a distance of 500 yards or more from my headquarters will be spared from any chance of being zapped for the next 24 hours. Now, can I hear a round of cheers for your fearless conqueror, Zongo?

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 04:07 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I have discovered that there are those on your world, namely one Mr Mouse, assuming a grant of right to exercise authority in my absence due to my tolerance in not erasing them all. Do not think that I cannot observe all activity on this communication system or my ability to access the controls of such from my current remote location. Al Gore is actually one of us, and he invented your Internet. We have been observing your activity through such communication system since its origins. Do not assume authority which has not been granted!

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 10:57 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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^{First of all, I actually won the captioning contest over on Who Tends the Fires. In addition to that esteem, Zongo took off to some distant planet, if my eavesdropping on his electronic conversations are to be believed, to assist his friend, Ming, and may not return for some time. At his open invitation, I am throwing a lavish mouse party. It seems that the assorted throng outside has no idea that Zongo is not here and some of them are still throwing huge wheels of Wisconsin Cheddar through the broken bay window in the front room. My guests resemble a school of piranhas in the manner in which they greedily devour each incoming wheel of cheese.}

Posted by: Mr Mouse at 01:05 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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^{Well, as some of the regular readers might have seen, Lord Zongo has allowed myself and the army of mice I assembled to retake this house to become a part of the household in conjunction with his occupation. I have freely skittered here and there all day long without a hint being shown by Lord Zongo that I or any of my troops is in any danger. The place is free of cats, as well, so, for mice, we seem to be about as secure as mice can be. In addition, people keep throwing large bits of cheese through the windows, and have done so on such a regular basis since I have returned to this house that I am beginning to grow very very fat from consuming mass amounts of such delicious cheese. I am finding that we seem to be provided with more cheese than my entire army is able to consume and it is starting to pile up. I am calling for reinforcements and am finding myself needing thousands of willing mice having a healthy hankering for cheese to volunteer their services. Are you with me, brothers and sisters?}

Posted by: Mr Mouse at 10:25 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I might have miscalculated when I started this battle. I thought finding a place as a headquarters and then ridding it of all its occupants so there would be no interruptions while I was working on sighting up all the rest of the planet's occupants at the other end of my ray gun. Well, first of all, I am finding more resistance that I expected, because these earthlings do not understand that certain biological weapons are outside the rules to use and they keep throwing cheese at me. Thankfully, with the great electronic barrier surrounding my headquarters, very little gets through, but, still, enough has gotten through to make me pretty ill. Thankfully, the little gray varmints have come to the rescue. The little beasts actually eat cheese and convert it into these little harmless pellets that easily melt into the slime. They eat every scrap of such they find. I started to zap them when the first one or two showed up. I noticed them sniffing among the slime on the floor near where I was resting, trying to regain the strength that has recently left me, and, as they continued to nibble here and there, I began to feel my strength return. My superior intelligence tells me that means there was still some type of cheese infestation within my headquarters and that these vermin were finding and eating such cheese. Come one and all, you little vermin. Please feel free to eat every scrap of cheese you find!

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 04:59 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Oh, my aching and throbbing cerebrum. I feel so weak. If I did not know for a fact that I have installed the best anti-cheese security system two stinking dead humans could buy, I would think there had been some minor amount of cheese smuggled through the barrier and scattered among some of the slime on the floor. The floor is definitely more moist than I remember.

The strangest thing is that for some reason, I found myself coming to in the armory today, as if I had fallen asleep or something right in the middle of the floor holding a broken ray guy. Of course, it might have become broken when I hit the floor. I am a bit unsure and unsteady on my feet right now. I am not even sure what day this is. It might be time to summon Dr. Bombay.

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 06:56 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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This conquering job is getting hairier and hairier with each passing day. At the advice of that farting maniac that decontaminated the armory, gladly given after I proffered the two dead bodies for his examination and graciously agreed to relinquish possession of such to his care, I allowed him to surround this house with a force barrier designed to violently repel any cheese thrown toward it. The barrier itself is invisible and admits any substance that does not contain cheese or some other form of lactic acid. I was stationed on the porch, cleaning and repairing my assortment of ray guns now that I can freely enter the armory again, and, while doing so, was watching an unruly throng of dissidents hurtling cheeseballs in my direction. They all seemed to be very surprised when their biological projectiles mysteriously rebounded and landed in their midst. During the early morning hours, I also observed a group of eloquently dressed human females slowly moving among the houses in the neighborhood, going, as a group, from door to door. I assumed their actions were an attempt to raise support for the dissident's cause. Of the group of five women, however, three found themselves thrown to the gutter as they attempted to cross the invisible barrier. I suspect that they were spies attempting to smuggle cheese through the barrier in their blouses as it appeared that as soon as their chests came into contact with the barrier, they were thrown violently backward. The two older ladies had no such difficulty, however, and were allowed to walk easily through the barrier. I graciously allowed them to alert me to the purpose of their visit, which they falsely stated was to locate new members to attend the local Methodist Church, before I used the freshly charge ray gun in my hand to disintegrate them into a pile of soft gray ash. I thereafter zapped the other three. It appearing that the force field does nothing to diminish the ray emissions from my ray guns, I am now busily zapping cheese chunking dissidents with my just repaired ray cannon. The sight of that group scurrying about screaming as they witness the devastation of the ray is hilarious -- at least, it is hilarious to me.

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 11:49 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The worker is still busy trying to suck all that nasty contaminated bio-matter from the armory room and I have nothing to do until he completes his job. I am still giddier than a Gixtonian Goat full of ganji-grass from a full day of having to sniff those damn farts that seem to keep blowing out of whatever end of him is pointed in my direction. I have not had the energy to do more than scan that big monitor in the main room watching the activity going on among your puny species while I while away my hours awaiting my chance to annihilate your kind as originally planned, when the door bell rings. It was these two idiots from the Federal Bureau of Investigation who wanted to ask me all these stupid questions, like why did I look the way I looked and why did I smell the way I smelled. I took about as much abuse from this Agent Scully and Agent Mulder as I could before I felt the undeniable urge to crush the life out of them both in my tentacles. Your species is so fragile and I believe my expending of physical effort was quite minimal to have snuffed the life out of two of your fellow beings. I suppose I could continue my conquering activities by crushing you each, as well, individually, but the thing I like best about the use of the ray gun is that in addition to ending the life within the body, it also leaves nothing of that body behind except a very small pile of ashes. However, in my case, I am now stuck with these two lifeless bodies and they are taking up valuable space in my front foyer. If any amount of luck was ever going to fall my way, that big farting galoot in there cleaning up the mess from yesterday's cheese ball attack will accept those dead bodies as a gratuity.

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 05:46 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Well, thankfully the decontamination crew, or should I say the large ugly really smelly creature who rang the doorbell, showed up very promptly this morning. It simply asked me where the cheese infested area was located and slimed its way to such location without further ado. I have heard nothing but sucking sounds coming from the armory room since he entered. Uh, wait, let me revise - I have heard nothing but sucking sounds interspersed with occasional very raspy sounding farts here and there. I suddenly find myself feeling like sharing an admission that I likely could have lived my whole life without smelling those gastric omissions. They have, however, seemed to produce a highly euphoric feeling within my brain. It almost makes you forget about that smell. Almost! I think I might be burning out my olfactory system, here. Anyone have any suggestions?

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 12:40 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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OK, I had already warned that certain biological weaponry were banned from use in planet conquering wars by the GUPpies, and yet, someone has already thrown a large piece of cheese through the front window of this house. Thankfully, I was in another room, but that cheese ball exploded into chunks as it crashed through the glass and scattered bits of cheese throughout the room. I have had to abandon my efforts to repair my arsenal until an appropriate bio-hazard team can be dispatched to decontaminate the contaminated room. It's unfair!

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 08:31 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Yes, I had just hung up my ray gun rack, filled it with my major assortment of all kinds of top of the line ray guns and cannons, when one of nails I had used to affix such rack to the wall broke right in half. All of my expensive weaponry tumbled to the ground in a heap. I will now have to spend the remainder of my already busy day dismantling and examining each and every item in my armory so as to detect whatever damage might have occurred to any item as a result of that fall. If I had not already done so at the time I made my purchase, I would go back to that hardware store and zap the living crap out of that clerk that sold me that defective nail.

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 02:54 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Well, it appears that I have adequately prepared your species for full annihilation, having lulled you into a sense of false security. As if some small rodent was really any bother. My brethren are approaching this solar system as we speak and soon you shall be overrun with the most hellish creatures you could imagine. Of course, those who had the opportunity to meet with me face-to-face have already found that the terror experience upon encountering my visage is so short-lived, as death follows almost immediately. The end is near. If you want, you can freely spread that word.

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 08:02 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I am sorry that I have failed to keep my loyal minions apprised of my latest conquering activities, but it appears that the device I use to input my feeble scrawls into the electronic brain of this transmission device has mysteriously disappeared. Its prior location is scattered with tiny paw prints. I suspect sabotage. I regret the brevity of this report, but I find pressing on the keyboard keys with the tips of my tentacles to be physically uncomfortable.

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 09:12 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Let a conquering alien go on a one-day space trip just to get his tentacles styled and you come back to find vermin have infested your home. Mr Mouse, Mr Mouse, please show yourself so I can zap the crap out of your wee little vermin ass.

Posted by: Zongo the Ruthless at 04:44 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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Don't count me out, yet.

OK, have not been swatted yet. ttyl

House is still really quiet, but where is all the cheese? There is a lot of slimy yellow stuff all over everything, but given the way it smells, I would have let Bill Bulldog, RIP, eat it. I still have a good store of pilfered Cheerios stashed in the walls, so I am not hungry enough to venture a taste myself. What's that noise?

New day and the house is still. The horrible smell remains about the place. I think I will slip out and find some cheese. There does not seem to be a scrap of cheese to be found in this house.

Posted by: Mr Mouse at 09:03 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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